It’s been a minute since I posted on the blog and it’s mostly because I just haven’t had the time or energy. Why didn’t anybody warn me how tiring being a parent is?? (Kidding. Everyone did.) but really. I didn’t take all of those warnings from my parents and friends and everyone else seriously. I never expected to wake up with a single goal: to shower today. And go to sleep unshowered and too tired to utilize my “free time” (the time after Jakson falls asleep) to accomplish my pathetic goal. It’s crazy y’all- it almost makes me wish DB (deadbeat, douche bag, dad of baby, etc) had stuck around and helped out instead of leaving me to explore parenting and adulthood all alone. ALMOST.
Despite the ridiculous situations I find myself in, like the one described above (which is a regular thing, btw.) there are some advantages to being a single mom.
For one, I can guarantee that Jakson will be kind and respectful when he grows up. I can raise him how I want and teach him values that I find important. Some things my ex and I just didn’t agree on, like same sex couples, for example. He thought it was a sin to be gay and that they were all bad people and a blah blah blah. I was SO shocked to hear him say this for the first time after knowing him for years, and wondered why we had never talked about it before. In my opinion, people’s sexual orientation does not define their character or sins any more than their race and gender do. Although Jakson will be able to make his own mind up about topics like this once he is old enough, I’d like for him to inherit my open mindedness. And since I’m his only parent I can raise him and teach him the way I think is best 🙂
Another disagreement we had was about how we would introduce him to sports and activities when he got older. I suggested we let him decide what he wanted to do, and sign him up for a variety of sports & activities so he can find what he’s interested in. This was not DB’s plan at all. He was very firm about the sport Jaks said was to play (which is the same sport he played and his dad before him played) and said that he WOULD push Jakson to do well in it.
I can kind of understand wanting to pass on the legacy or whatever, but here’s where I had a problem: I have been to a sporting event with his family before. It was DB’s 10 year old cousin’s football game. The kid wasn’t athletic, and carried a little extra weight around with him. But instead of being encouraging and proud of him regardless, I sat in disbelief as their entire family spoke poorly of him and voiced their disappointment. The thought of the same thing happening to Jakson made my blood boil, and as you might have guessed, an argument was born.
I could keep going for days about all of the ridiculous fights we had about Jakson’s future and it’s crazy because they all happened within the 1-month stretch of time that he was actually around and made some efforts to be a dad. It was hard for me to compromise on some of the parenting techniques DB wanted to use, because by the time he came around Jakson was already 6 months old and I had done it on my own up until then. I was reluctant to let him come in and change everything that I had worked so hard for.
But the point is, it’s over now. The fighting and arguments were all for nothing because now, I am able to raise Jakson however I want. Though being a single mom is tough and at times trying, I wouldn’t have it the other way. I’m happy with my life and the people in it. And I am confident that my son will be a sweet, caring, non-judgmental human being. EMBRACE being a single mom and make the best of the special bond it creates between your child and you. 💕
To end this short post, here are five other ways I have found to appreciate being a single mom, instead of feeling envious of those happy families you see on social media (because let’s be honest, IT’S HARD sometimes.) :
- Jakson’s existence gives me the motivation I need to work hard and succeed on my own.
- I feel accomplished and proud to know that I alone raised such an amazing human
- I dont have to do laundry / cook / clean up after anyone but Jaks and I (score)
- I get to cuddle Jakson in bed with me every night! (double score)
- I love Jakson more than ANYONE in the world, and I know he feels the same way about me. Our bond is indescribable and exclusive to only us.
To single moms everywhere: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Remember the positives and pat yourselves on the back for being such strong and independent women. If you’d like, share what you are most thankful for being a single mom in the comments below! Happy Monday to you and yours!